I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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