I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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