just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
