the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
