he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
