I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
