Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
