we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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