She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
