I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
