Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I checked into jail on foursquare
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
