Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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