Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
