haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
