oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
