after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
