2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
