I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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