How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
