Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
