think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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