Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
