SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think your dad took our porno
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
