Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
