He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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