so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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