I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
