We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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