I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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