They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize