Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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