Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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