I want to have your abortion
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
