"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
