3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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