It's just like the Real World with babies
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize