At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
