Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
