Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
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I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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