Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
