Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
