I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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