have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize