Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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