That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
MIDGETS
????
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
