is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
