She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
