so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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