The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
