i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
