I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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