If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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