This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
