Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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