just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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