Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
