I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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