we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
