hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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