hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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