things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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