the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
