I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
